Sometimes, your thoughts are so loud that you can’t hear anything above them. It’s almost like having earplugs in your ears. You block everything out for some time and just listen to the voices in your head. The world outside seems too harsh, too crude. There are times when you get so self-occupied that you don’t even notice that someone is addressing you. I suppose this is what they call being “absent-minded” or “aloof”.
Lately I’ve been in this state of mind, I wonder why though. I just can’t seem to get out of it. I dive too deep. I get caught in the labyrinth of complexities – the complexities of life. Some might deem me as somebody who over thinks everything or is probably too sensitive for her own good, but that’s just a generalization, and like all generalizations; its likely to be false. We all have good days and bad days, it’s a part of who we are, and I am all for objectivity; I don’t feel the need to pass unnecessary judgements on how an individual behaves, because quite honestly, I wasn’t brought into this world to evaluate people – That’s God’s job.
Needless to say, I disagree with the mere notion of presumptions, and since I oppose it, I don’t believe in being vulnerable to judgments passed by a few pounds of flesh and clots of blood. I feel that I’m free of this malaise, but I’m not. The prevailing, ugly and utterly bitter truth is that even if I choose not to consider myself to be at the place to pass unnecessary judgments, people will always assume that they have the right to judge me. It’s just how it is. It’s an age old story that has spun itself in circles; we all have had it happen to us.
As i think of all these seemingly “pseudo-intellectual” deep thoughts, a part of me tries to solve the Rubik’s cube that holds my true colors in its depth. I try hard to unravel the mysteries that lie within me, but I have to ask myself….Who am I? Am I the person I think I am? Do you know who it is? Who is the woman in the mirror? Is that a reflection or a mirage? Is it a drop in the ocean or an ocean in a single drop? Who is She? It’s Her. It’s You, It’s Me, It’s every woman….to be continued.