J’adore Mon Cher

By: Leonid Afremov
“When Dreams Come True” by: Leonid Afremov

J’adore is french for I adore you (for those of you who haven’t already googled it). In France, I adore you is considered more powerful than Je T’aime, which stands for “I love you”. On the contrary, in Pakistan none of these matter. This isn’t one of those  rants where a girl talks about how the world has betrayed her and men are all dogs (dogs are lovely creatures, just saying) but it’s more of a reflection on the society we reside in. The Pakistani mentality, the deep rooted desi-ness ka tarka (a garnish of onions and garlic fried in oil) that is even stronger than the pungent smell of that lassan (garlic) ka tarka in the daal (lentils) cooking in your kitchen.

I’m a proud Pakistani myself, a patriot and not of the “Hey look at me I wear green on Independence day” variety, but I choose to voice my opinions on subjects that resonate with me on a deeper level. When I speak of the “Pakistani mentality” I do not in any way wish to demean my country or its people’s beliefs, I merely wish to question them, to reason with them.

The books I read while growing up weren’t of the “happily ever after” category, in fact, I was a comic book kid, and I loved reading literary classics. I never had unrealistic ideals of finding ‘the one’ or riding off into a mystical land with my knight in shining armor (no seriously, what if that armor is covered in algae and all sorts of sludge? my O.C.D would go through the roof!) but growing up in a quintessential conservative desi family, I took my father and my brothers as my ideal and I still idealize them. I looked at the world through their perspective, it was my vision, their lens (pretty normal eh?).

A person who envisions her father as a role model, how can she settle for anything less? (I say this on behalf of all women living in the Pakistani society). There are times in life when we’re faced with tough choices, an intersection, a fork in the road that doesn’t define the wrong or right, and we find ourselves standing there scratching our heads in contemplation, that is when we really need to ask ourselves if choosing the path is even worth it? You could just abandon that direction completely and take another route, you’ve got GPS, use it wisely.

The Pakistani mentality when it comes to prepubescent men and women and some who unfortunately stopped growing after they hit the big two zero (20)  is a mesh of confused emotions, it’s like your mommy issues and daddy issues reproduced in America/any other influential foreign country) and gave birth to a thing called your “mindset”. Whatever happened to sticking to morals and principles? Oh wait, they flew out the window when you left it open while sneaking out in the middle of the night. I’m all for living and letting others live, the only thing I feel our society lacks is tolerance. Acceptance towards each other and each others shortcomings.

Whatever happened to old-school courtship and romance? It died a slow painful death. Men take women to be fools and manipulate them like tools and then discard them like damaged goods, women pretend to be saints while hiding a dagger behind their back. Why the hell would you do that? Why have we become so sadistic? Do you have any idea what kind of an impact the pain you inflict on someone else, can have on them? You could practically ruin their life because not everyone is as thick skinned as you presume, not everyone can laugh things off like you, not everyone will sit with their friends, smoke a cigarette and laugh at the misery inflicted on someone else.

If you succeed in misleading somebody, do not think of him of being a big fool, rather think about how he trusted you. -Imam Ali (A.S)

Just pause for a moment and reflect on your life, ask yourself “Am I living it right?” have some compassion, don’t take words as hollow sounds escaping your throat, take them for what they could mean to someone else, don’t take anybody for a fool, because a) you’ll get screwed by Karma, and b) That person might just be a better individual than you – who even after knowing that you’re a complete moron, keeps giving you the benefit of the doubt, keeps letting go of things only because they value you and wouldn’t want to lose you even if the mountains crumbled. Word of advice: You’re gonna be one heck of a unfortunate bum if you lose this person. This one’s a keeper! Get your J’adore and Je T’aime together and make it count, before fate plays one on you. Life’s too short to be meaningless, earthquake or no earthquake.

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