Contentment in a World Full of Discontentment

How does one find contentment in a world that is constantly trying to remind us of all the things that we are lacking? It’s 4:13AM in the morning and I’m pondering over this question amongst all the others that I ask myself every day.

I’ve always had a hard time accepting the present, I have the bad habit of lingering in the past for too long. The only time I didn’t lose myself in the past was when I was in college, busy with work and following my heart. I loved what I did and I enjoyed every moment of it. It’s not like there weren’t bad days but the good days were aplenty. My positive outlook towards life trumped the blues.

These days as much as I try to look for that positive, I can’t seem to find it. Perhaps I’m trying to bring back the person I once used to be and I fail to accept the fact that I’m no longer the person I was 3 years ago. I miss those times because I loved my work, my ambition was my driving force and it kept me motivated. These days I rarely write or do the things I once used to love.

Self care is a thing of the past, I’m not saying I’ve stopped caring I’m just no longer the carefree, liberated individual that I used to be. I love how everything is right now, in many ways this phase of my life has been liberating as well, but it feels unfulfilling.

I spent most of my college years day dreaming of my goals and ambitions being fulfilled one day, I thought that was where my happiness laid, however I also knew that I was a people pleaser. I wanted so badly to make my parents happy that I’d give away my own happiness for it just to seek their acceptance.

Being the youngest of three siblings and then constantly being scrutinized for your actions (good or bad) has an affect on you. There comes a time when you really want to prove everyone wrong and set the record straight.

What we fail to realize is that when we try to please other people, the one person who suffers in the process is us ourselves and when that happens, we drown ourselves in a pool of regrets. The only happiness that truly matters is yours, when you’re actually happy, the whole world will support you and sooner or later realize that what you decide for yourself, is the best you can do for you. You owe that to yourself.

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