Why Intimacy Matters

Living in a country like Pakistan, talking about anything remotely related to love and romance is a taboo. It is looked down upon like that ugly kid in the family no one wants to admit is ugly but knows deep down that (s)he is.

Sex is one of the most natural things amongst human beings then why is it that it is brushed under the rug, faced with guffaws and looks of disapproval. If a woman talks freely about sex or the need to have it as an essential part of life, it is scorned upon and the said woman is avoided like the plague. Suddenly, the woman has been dubbed a wanton and is subjected to countless haww hayes (Judgmental gasp! Alas!).

We as a nation love the idea of being called liberal but despise what it means to be truly emancipated. We all like to secretly giggle at the thought of physical intimacy and togetherness but refuse to accept it publicly. Ironically, Pakistan is amongst the highest Porn viewing countries in the world. You’d think a country that takes such immense pleasure in the blatantly crude nudity of X-rated movies, behind closed doors and curtained windows, would be open to the idea of discussing sex as a normal part of life.

I suppose it goes hand in hand, if people started discussing sex openly, the obsession would subside considerably and hence decrease the hype and emphasis that is laid on the act itself. Wouldn’t that be disappointing for the virgins who glorified sex and their first time after secretly watching Hollywood movies and their steamy depiction of what intimacy should look and feel like?

Perhaps pornography isn’t the true depiction of physical intimacy so people like to keep it their dirty little secret. Who knows? Maybe adult websites should conduct a survey and delve deeper into the situation. (Pun intended)

Physical intimacy isn’t something to be ashamed of and it is because of this lack of exposure and repression that our nation is falling into this pit of frustration. It’s a vicious cycle – repression leads to lack of exposure, leading to deprivation and frustration, which in turn forms rapists and sex offenders.

I’m appalled by the fact that we live in an era in which men can stoop to the level of molesting a six year old girl child and then murdering her just to satisfy a carnal need that can be fulfilled legitimately. Even though we reside in an Islamic state, based on the principles of Islam that allow men and women to marry with ease and legalize their relationship, our society makes it impossible for men and women to be together.

In the subcontinent, the concept of marrying the entire family rather than the person you intend to marry still prevails and that is where the problem lies. Nuclear families are looked down upon as a western concept whereas in reality, it is actually not a western concept at all. It is in fact something Islam teaches very clearly, if only the Pakistani pseudo society could understand.

Circling back to the original thought; women in Pakistan rarely get to have a say in their relationships. They don’t get to choose physicality, it is almost always governed by the mans desires and needs. A woman can’t ask for it, most certainly not! Besharam ladki! (Characterless girl), you cannot be seen holding hands with your spouse, let alone a relationship out of wedlock.

If you can’t express love for the person you’re legally married to, imagine having a male friend in Pakistan around such people who are living under the pretense of “live and let live” but can’t keep their tongues tied or noses out of other people’s dinner plates. The people in our society make it so difficult for each other to co-exist. They need to be trained like detection dogs to keep their noses out of unnecessary business. If a woman chooses to address her need for intimacy with her significant other, the man can’t handle it and rather than taking it in his stride, he gets offended.

Male egos tend to be so fragile in our part of the world, they think a woman’s libido being greater than the man’s is a matter of disrespect. They can’t handle being inferior and have to prove their superiority by becoming indifferent towards women and telling them that they pull the strings in the relationship.

Honestly, this might be the reason why people choose to help themselves and satisfy their sexual urges through other means because the men in their lives wouldn’t listen and the society snubs women who are bold in their opinions and aren’t afraid to voice them. If men can speak about their machismo, why can’t women address their concerns with their significant others? Leaving aside the haww hayees (Judgmental gasp! Alas!).

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