Her: Disposition

A dark night and an extinguished flame.
A dark night and an extinguished flame.

Muddy waters, mischief in the eyes
I wonder what these blindfolded eyes are searching for.
A lot to lose; no shackles to bind her
That rosy glaze in the eye bemuses her, the child’s cry amuses her – a split second only.
She thinks she knows herself not knowing herself at all, The reflection yells at her…
Muddy waters mischief in the eyes
I wonder what those distended pupils wish to discover.

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Her: Full Disclosure

Am I a reflection or a mirage?
Image by: Google

Sometimes, your thoughts are so loud that you can’t hear anything above them. It’s almost like having earplugs in your ears. You block everything out for some time and just listen to the voices in your head. The world outside seems too harsh, too crude. There are times when you get so self-occupied that you don’t even notice that someone is addressing you.  I suppose this is what they call being “absent-minded” or “aloof”.

Lately I’ve been in this state of mind, I wonder why though. I just can’t seem to get out of it. I dive too deep. I get caught in the labyrinth of complexities – the complexities of life. Some might deem me as somebody who over thinks everything or is probably too sensitive for her own good, but that’s just a generalization, and like all generalizations; its likely to be false. We all have good days and bad days, it’s a part of who we are, and I am all for objectivity; I don’t feel the need to pass unnecessary judgements on how an individual behaves, because quite honestly, I wasn’t brought into this world to evaluate people – That’s God’s job.

Needless to say, I disagree with the mere notion of presumptions, and since I oppose it, I don’t believe in being vulnerable to judgments passed by a few pounds of flesh and clots of blood. I feel that I’m free of this malaise, but I’m not. The prevailing, ugly and utterly bitter truth is that even if I choose not to consider myself to be at the place to pass unnecessary judgments, people will always assume that they have the right to judge me. It’s just how it is. It’s an age old story that has spun itself in circles; we all have had it happen to us.

As i think of all these seemingly “pseudo-intellectual” deep thoughts, a part of me tries to solve the Rubik’s cube that holds my true colors in its depth. I try hard to unravel the mysteries that lie within me, but I have to ask myself….Who am I? Am I the person I think I am? Do you know who it is? Who is the woman in the mirror? Is that a reflection or a mirage? Is it a drop in the ocean or an ocean in a single drop? Who is She? It’s Her. It’s You, It’s Me, It’s every woman….to be continued.

Carpe Diem

Image courtesy: Shahraiz Malik
Image courtesy: Shahraiz Malik

“Seize the day, put very little trust in tomorrow”. Whenever we think of a missed opportunity this phrase seems to creep it’s way in, to fittingly describe the situation. Why is it that we only think of seizing the moment or enjoying the day when we’ve lost the opportunity to do it? Is it a mental reminder for the things ahead or is it to remind us that this life is too short to be lived with bittersweet sentiments and regrets. Whatever it may be, it sure seems to haunt every one of us in a unique way.
Having said this, I have my own share of “missed moments” or “faded” ones to be precise, the times I should’ve reacted a certain way but I didn’t, the momentary fogging of vision which may have caused me to overreact or the times I simply didn’t “seize the day” when I really should’ve. This is probably one of the reasons why I feel that photography is a great hobby. It enables you to preserve moments, to capture them in pixels of color and frame them in joy. It gives you the feeling of being able to flash freeze some chosen moments in time. It gives you a sense of control over time. It’s beautiful if done with precision.

The missed opportunities that keep circling in our heads are there because we have this deep rooted fear instilled inside us that there won’t be a better one again, a better job, a better school, a better degree, a better person. But the truth is, whatever happens is ultimately for the best, it leads you to places in life that are best suited for you, and that is what you have to seize. Seize the moment that lies ahead of you and go for it. The hardest thing in life is to accept something that doesn’t resonate with the frequency of your heart or your brain but once you’ve accomplished that, there’s nothing you need to worry about.

(As written for cambiarnews.com)

This or that? Why not both?

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Image courtesy: Shayk Wakas

I wonder why life throws us into situations that seem to have no solution to them. It’s like a black hole that suddenly opens up and takes you on a journey through a self created oblivion. The only difference is that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t be indifferent towards some things. People tell you that you’re falling into a dark pit, they try to warn you, and yet it’s like you’re addicted to the pitch dark that awaits you, there’s no other way you’d have it.

Honestly, deep down, I think we know where we’re headed, but we’re too naive not to fall prey to it. After all, the path to hell is paved with good intentions. We love the things that are meant to destroy us. We rely on them like the air we breath, and then one day, reality knocks on the door and you finally realize that you’re nothing but a pawn in this game of emotional chess.

The feeling of being split between two places is the worst thing that anyone could do to themselves. That place where your heart says one thing and your mind says another is an unpleasant, miserable one, one that only leads to self-destruction. How can you choose between two priorities in your life? It’s the question you’ll never have an answer to, no matter how much you try. How can someone inflict so much pain on them self, as to put them self through so much misery and suffering; knowing that there’s no end to it. The reason why we choose to go through things that keep hurting us is because we don’t know anyway out of it. We’re struggling to somehow manage to squeeze ourselves out but we fail to find a balance, and when you lose your equilibrium, how do you gain it back? When you lose yourself while making your way through a labyrinth of emotional strings, you realize that when you start losing bits and pieces of yourself, the entire purpose of finding equilibrium diminishes and all that truly remains is a hollow shell of the person you once used to be.

(As written for cambiarnews.com)

Drops of Forever

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Lately, it has been raining cats and dogs in Lahore and I happened to step out in the pouring rain for a cruise with a close friend of mine, it was one of those long drives where you just indulge in good music (preferably easy listening) and unwind. I was sitting shotgun and my gaze was naturally directed towards the swishing windshield wipers and the glistening rain-soaked road that lie ahead. The aimlessly falling raindrops on the glass, sliding, intermingling with other drops, paving their paths, captivated me.

I got lost in my own little reverie.  I didn’t see these raindrops for what they actually were, I saw them as a million little crystals being reflected by light. The moment one little drop fell on the glass windshield, it transformed into a diamond, and it turned everything it touched into a gleaming Broadway show. It was almost surreal, I realized how magical the world could be if I just tweaked how I perceived little things.

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Something as little as a micro drop of water could hold the power to transform everything around it into a Leonid Afremov-esque painting (His work is mesmerizing). It’s such a beautiful sight to see that a drop of water holds a mirror within, and that the moment it gets struck by light , its a flawless diamond lighting the world. Its truly a spectacular sight if you view it from a different perspective. They say it rains diamonds on Jupiter, they say it rains diamonds on Saturn…I’d like to believe that it rains diamonds on Earth, its just about thought. 🙂

The (In) dependent Mind: Where Art Thou?

“Independent.” It’s an eleven-letter word that has a separate meaning for everyone. Take away the “in” from independent and it becomes dependent (pun intended). Have you ever thought of the true essence of being independent? Of what it truly means to be liberated? If you have, then you surely know that it begins with the mind. An independent mind is what enables us to be truly enlightened.

You and me, we all know that our brain doesn’t exactly work with a hamster racing on a wheel. It’s really a refined piece of machinery that functions without a squeak. It’s a complex structure that needs to be well oiled like any other machine to ensure good performance. And no, that almond oil you apply to your hair is not going to magically massage your mind, however, mental stimulation will.

Mental stimulus is like a jigsaw puzzle that is missing an essential piece. This misplaced piece is what restricts us to conform to norms that develop our mind in a manner where even “freethinking” has to be confined within a predefined box. Even though independent or freethinking is something that is variable for every individual, it’s still not a widely accepted notion. Your way of contemplating something could be different from mine. We could be thinking of the same subject and view it from a distinct perspective.

If you’re a student who is currently studying in/were in school, you can walk down memory lane and imagine yourself as a 14 year old. One day in math class, you solved a math equation with a different technique and got the same answer as the teacher, but it was deemed wrong because it wasn’t done according to the way it was taught to you. The solution to the math equation was correct, and yet it was considered wrong. The teacher’s way of reaching a solution was different than yours.

There are abundant ways of accomplishing a simple task, if I didn’t follow the procedure that was dictated to me, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong. Our problem is, that we focus on things that don’t exactly matter. We pay attention to the process first rather than the end results whereas it should be vice versa.

Independent thinking isn’t something that will suddenly grow outside your window like a beanstalk sprouting from magic beans. And it can’t be climbed without the right support from your environment. Our principal aid is our schooling; the university or school we study at plays a significant role in the way we think.

Most of the time, our cognitive thinking abilities are blocked out by other people’s insights. We refrain from voicing our opinions because we fear rejection, in one-way or another. When we try to think ‘out of the box’ (a term coined according to an individual’s perception) it basically means that we’re going against the norm. We’re willing to question the ordinary and discover the extraordinary. The only way that can be achieved is if we break the shackles that are binding us, explore our own abilities and not be afraid of being different.

Our mind is not meant to be inert; it has the remarkable ability to perform innumerable functions in a split second. It’s faster than a supercomputer and it can expand as much as we allow it to but if we overpower our mind at an early age, and stop stimulating it, we might never be able to recognize the genius amongst us. Cognitive thinking is like a bird, the longer you cage it, the sooner it will forget to fly. It’s time that we set it free from old judgments and let it soar the skies of new understanding.

Thoughts on life, love and everything in between.. transcribed by a self proclaimed bleeding writer.