Tag Archives: Weddings

8 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Get Hitched

Taken from Google Images
Don’t skim through…

Marriage is one of the most important decisions in life. It’s a decision that has the ability to steer your life in an entirely new direction. It’s so important to be in the right frame of mind before you take the plunge. No matter what anyone says, the decision solely lies with you, you alone. Your parents or any other family member cannot dictate you. Desi families don’t make it easy for their kids to choose a path of their liking, they subliminally imply what they want and pressurise their kids into giving in to their idea of a perfect marriage (Dhol, band, baaja, biryani included). Whatever you do, just make sure you don’t crack under pressure. Here are ten questions you need to ask yourself before you decide that you’re ready for the long haul.

1. Have I lived a fulfilling life? 

Ask yourself if you’ve done everything you imagined you would by this age. If you’re too young (18-early twenties) then you may have experienced very little by now. Think this through.

2. Have I reached my personal/professional goals?

Let’s say you’re a complete workaholic who is dedicated to his/her work – so much that its almost an adrenaline rush for you. Do you think you can shift your lifelong priorities and make room for more in such a short span of time? Ask yourself if you’ve reached your full potential.

3. Have I explored my options? 

Are you having doubts about your potential life partner? Do you think you need more time to widen your horizon? Are you sure this is the perfect person for you and you’re not just being pressurised into making a commitment?. It’s very important to be able to imagine your whole life with someone, marriage is no joke.

4. Do you feel comfortable with the idea of a lifelong commitment?

Before you say “yes” make sure you’re mentally prepared to take responsibility. When you get married, it’s not just about you, it’s about your family, your spouse and his family. Don’t do something you’ll regret later on in life. It will only make you and the people you love miserable.

5. Do you feel attracted to the guy/girl? 

We’ve all heard the phrase “Beauty is only skin deep” but it’s only human nature to look at someone’s external appearance before you judge their personality. No religion denies a person the right to choose their significant other. If you don’t like the person your parents are getting you married to for any given reason, make it a point to address the issue. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT be unfair to someone by pretending to be something you’re not. If you’re not feeling it, then you just aren’t. Let it go.

6.  Do you need more time?

Counsel yourself. Self-therapy is key. Marriage is a gamble, there’s no hard and fast rule that applies. If you’re getting married, let the idea gradually sink in. Think about it, don’t panic. Everyone’s afraid of change, specifically those who love their free will a tad too much, and it’s fine. Nobody has the right to judge you for being you. If you’re not prepared to take the step so soon, then give it some time.  If you can find your happiness along the way, that’s great, but if you can’t it’s alright. Don’t rush it, if you’re not happy.

7. Do you, and your significant other share the same fundamental values?

The key to a successful married life is clarity in communication. It’s vital to know if you and your significant other shares similar interests, morals and values. You (girls) just can’t be arguing about what you should/can wear and what not after marriage or whether you can get a job or do household chores or not. Make your priorities clear. It’s important to get married to someone who has the same mindset as yours. If you’re somewhat liberal and perhaps she/he isn’t – it could potentially be harmful in the bigger scheme of things. While it’s essential to compromise in any relationship, it’s good to remember to not lose yourself while doing so. If your spouse truly loves and respects you, they’d support and build you at every step of the way rather than bringing you down.

8. Is he/she ready to take the plunge?

In most cases, both the people involved are not at the same wavelength. The families love each other, but the boy and girl don’t. Getting married without contentment diminishes the whole purpose behind it. If the boy or girl isn’t entirely sure of it, or happy with it, they shouldn’t go ahead with it. However, if you’re sure that this is what you want, just make sure that the other person feels the same way too. You owe this much.

Making an informed decision before taking a giant leap in life is very important. If you don’t think things through, you’d not only be unfair to yourself, you’d also be unfair to everyone else associated with the decision. It’s never too late, to stop yourself from a life full of regrets or take a step towards immense happiness by embracing the change. The choice lies within you, choose wisely.

Shit that happens at/pre Desi Weddings

“Shaadi ka ladu jo khaaye wo pashtaye, jo na khaaye woh bhi pashtaaye”

If you ever, I repeat EVER get the chance to attend a desi wedding, please DO NOT at any cost miss the chance of a lifetime. Why, you ask? It’s because the sights you’ll get to witness at a desi marriage ceremony, you won’t be able see anywhere else in the world. You’ll get to meet a variety of people before and during the events and those individuals will forever leave a mark (read scar) on your mind.

Of all the shaadi’s I’ve attended including my own siblings’, the one thing I’ve come to realize is, that wedding ceremonies are the hub of mischief and chaos. Every opportunist cousin/family friend/phuphokifriendkibehenkibeti will create a controversy out of thin air just for the sake of seeking some attention that they unfortunately can’t get from anywhere else.

There are four basic types of people you will come across on Pakistani weddings:

1. The overly sensitive relative (read cousin/aunt/uncle)

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These are the ones who will very conveniently twist your words and actions into Harpic toilet cleaner and flush them in the toilet along with their resentment and vindictiveness. Their sole purpose is to somehow divert the attention to themselves. Allah Bachaye in se! (God save us all from the wrath!)

2. The dancing queen who puts Katrina Kaif’s moves to shame. 

This person just has to, I repeat HAS to butt in every dance routine, thinking he/she owns the dance floor. They think they can dance but they don’t know the misery they inflict on others. Save us mortal beings the eye sores please!

3.  The rishta kerwanay wali Aunty jee.

“Allah ke waastay rishta kerwa doe baba”

The “rishtay kerwanay wali” aunty is a character known to all. She has taken it as a moral obligation to herself that she has to hook up every eligible bachelor/bachelorette and creepily gawk at them until they get uncomfortable and politely (forcefully) greet them (say salaams). The aunty doesn’t let the opportunity pass by and quickly takes mental notes of your credentials and matches them to a prospective boy or girl.  (Note to self: avoid such aunties at all costs, they are a hazard to the society)

4. The poor soul who has no idea what’s going on. 

“Who?! What?! The flowers weren’t supposed to be mixed with the mehndi(henna)? That guy dancing with that girl isn’t actually her fiancé? It’s like I’ve been living under a rock all this time.” – The poor soul who has no idea what’s going on and is trying their best to somehow go with the flow.

Needless to say these are the people who make our weddings a little more colorful (read rangeen) than they already are, but if you wish to avoid a train wreck, it’s best to maintain safe distance from the track!

This article was originally written by me for cambiarnews.com